Hat Michael Moore Günter Wallraff gerade erklärt, er sei ein lächerlicher Investigativ-Provinzler?

Michael Moore’s 13 Rules for Making Documentaries — Really Powerful & Entertaining Documentaries

Irgendwie liest sich das so, wenn man sich an Günter Wallraffs letzten Schmachtfetzen über die Jobcenter unbedingt erinnern will. Und an seinen Adlatus, der völlig lustlos und gelangweilt in dem Video zu sehen ist. RTL bringt bald die neue Serie DSIS - Deutschland Sucht den Investigativ Superstar. Und der Günter ist ein Hot Shot!

Aber hören wir mal rein, was Michael zu sagen hat:

1. The first rule of documentaries is: Don’t make a documentary — make a MOVIE.

…the audience, the people who’ve worked hard all week — it’s Friday night, and they want to go to the movies. They want the lights to go down and be taken somewhere. They don’t care whether you make them cry, whether you make them laugh, whether you even challenge them to think — but damn it, they don’t want to be lectured, they don’t want to see our invisible wagging finger popping out of the screen. They want to be entertained.

Günter Wallraff als Entertainer? Dem würde ja Gauck noch den Rang ablaufen.

2. Don’t tell me shit I already know.

Oh, I see — you made the movie because there are so many people who DON’T know about genetically modified foods. And you’re right. There are. And they just can’t wait to give up their Saturday to learn about it.

Ja, aber das passt doch nicht zu RTL. Günter Wallraff ist ein geduldeter Investigativer.

4. I don’t like Castor Oil…. Too many of your documentaries feel like medicine.

The people don’t want medicine. If they need medicine, they go to the doctor. They don’t want medicine in the movie theaters. They want Goobers, they want popcorn, and they want to see a great movie.

Günter Wallraff im Stil der YES MEN sich als Entertainer vorzustellen?? Er personifiziert besser das Leid.

6. Why don’t more of your films go after the real villains — and I mean the REAL villains?

Why aren’t you naming names? Why don’t we have more documentaries that are going after corporations by name? Why don’t we have more documentaries going after the Koch Brothers and naming them by name?

Das würde intensives recherchieren bedeuten. Geht nicht bei RTL und Günter Wallraff. Bei Günter muss das alles zwischen ne Flasch Bier unne kalte Bulette passen, weisse.

7. I think it’s important to make your films personal.

I don’t mean to put yourself necessarily in the film or in front of the camera. Some of you, the camera does not like you. Do not go in front of the camera. And I would count myself as one of those. … But people want to hear the voice of a person. The vast majority of these documentary films that have had the most success are the ones with a personal voice.

Günter hast du gehört? Deinen Glatzkopp braucht man nicht unbedingt.

8. Point your cameras at the cameras.

Show the people why the mainstream media isn’t telling them what is going on.  

Siehe oben über Sendungsauftrag von RTL und Günter.    

9. Books and TV have nonfiction figured out. People love to watch Stewart and Colbert. Why don’t you make films that come from that same spirit? 

Why wouldn’t you want the same huge audience they have? Why is it that the American audience says, I love nonfiction books and I love nonfiction TV — but there’s no way you’re dragging me into a nonfiction movie! Yet, they want the truth AND they want to be entertained. Yes, repeat after me, they want to be entertained!

Nö! Bei Günter muss das Elend raus triefen. Das mögen die Deutschen.

10. As much as possible, try to film only the people who disagree with you.

That is what is really interesting. We learn so much more by you training your camera on the guy from Exxon or General Motors and getting him to just blab on.

Aber doch bitte nicht bei RTL und wenn, dann nur, dass die Leute alle gegen den Bahnstreik sind.

11. The audience is part of the film.

While you are filming a scene for your documentary, are you getting mad at what you are seeing? Are you crying? Are you cracking up so much that you are afraid that the microphone is going to pick it up? If that is happening while you are filming it, then there is a very good chance that’s how the audience is going to respond, too. Trust that. You are the audience, too.

Nö, Günter hadert lieber mit sich selbst wie im Video bei dem Frank-Jürgen BA-Porno.

12. Less is more. You already know that one.

Edit. Cut. Make it shorter. Say it with fewer words. Fewer scenes. Don’t think your shit smells like perfume. It doesn’t.

Günter Wallraff ist inodorus!

13. Finally… Sound is more important than picture.

Pay your sound woman or sound man the same as you pay the DP, especially now with documentaries. Sound carries the story. It’s true in a fiction film, too.

Das könnte ein Knaller werden: der Günter Wallraff Soundtrack.